self-reflection
Even just that phrase makes me sad… lol. Anytime I’m in situations that force me to take a long serious look at myself I get really sad, because I know its going to require change. Change is difficult I don’t care who you are.
“All of us have moments in our childhood where we come alive for the first time. And we go back to those moments and think, This is when I became myself.” — Rita Dove
I actually don’t like people who blame their bad habits and rudeness on their childhood… BUT I came across this quote and starting thinking about it. You can look at it in a very positive way, but I flipped it and looked at it in the negative as well. I starting thinking about why in the world I do the things I do and when were those habits formed… Well, thru this I’m convinced that we are all the product of our childhood.
So as I’m sitting this week in self-reflection mode, one bad character trait of mine became very clear – I’M A CONTROL FREAK!!!
I’m sure a lot of people can relate; For me there were many different things that happened while I was growing up that were completely out of my control. Some that I may never share with anyone and some that are very common with the average family, such as divorce. When you are growing up and things happen beyond your control, you tend to become an adult who has to control everything. For me a lot of my control issues have to do with friendships and my overwhelming need to “FIX IT”… I want everyone to be happy and get along, so my solution to that is to find out the problem, fix it and move on. HOWEVER, it only drags me into other people’s problems and issues and ultimately there is no quick fix for the problem. The End Result: Me in the middle of someone else’s pile of poo… with no peace, no harmony – only regret.
So…. like always, there HAS to be a solution. The only logical place for me to seek a solution is the Word of God. God wants me to TRUST Him completely with everything… herein lies the problem. Trusting God completely in every area of my life means me letting go of the need to control my life, my friends, my family, etc…. There is no fear in trust/God’s love, God is big enough to fix others – that’s not my job. God is big enough to help people live in peace and harmony – that’s not my job. MY JOB is to live each day in obedience to Christ, walk in love (the best I can), and strive to live a life worthy of the calling….. I am not perfect, never will be, but I can do my best to live for God and try to let go…
Letting go and letting God – it’s Heart Healthy 
give it a whirl. I am thankful that God does not give up on us, even when we are idiots and don’t know what to do with ourselves… lol… BOUNDRIES/LOVE = keys to freedom. ;)
