Missycarlson’s Weblog

Sometimes I love to say that phrase to my mom, cuz it reminds me of being 5yrs old and throwing a fit. hahaha.  Like, when your brothers get more marshmellows in their hot cocoa than you got!!! ugh, right? hahaha….  Then your mom gently reminds you, “hey kid – life’s not fair, deal with it”.  Thanks Mom

Sadly that phrase has been rolling through my mind for the last few days… I was briefly talking with Robbie and told him that I have never been so challenged to change my thinking/actions as I have since coming to Beachside.  I don’t know if its Beachside, or God’s timing – either way I have been put in situations that have forced me to deal with the way I handle that situation.  I feel like God just runs me thru the same challenge back to back until I pass the test. No fun, not fair… lol…

The ”it’s not fair” side sneaks in when you feel like you are in a whirlwind of change… You look at friends around you who appear to be just fine, without a care in the world. You think to yourself, why me? why am i always faced with something else that needs to change ASAP???  Afterall, look at John and Jane Doe over there livin’ it up in their perfect world, always so happy…… right?    Well, i guess i have to remind myself that you never know what is going on behind the closed doors of others’ lives. The grass is always greener over there, BUT that may be because they’ve got a septic stream running thru their property.   

I think about how a pearl is formed. It doesn’t become a beautiful, sought after prize by just chillin’ in a shell for a while. It endures quite a beating, the harder the beating the more beautiful the pearl. (Oh joy) hahaha… Mom is right, “life’s not fair” and from time to time life is challenging and disappointing, but the reward of refined character is worth it. 

Well, I’m going to be a bit of a thief today and play off of Drew’s blog….. good stuff for a Friday.

Today we had our staff meeting/devotional over at Starbucks and it was really great.  I like what Drew walked away with. But what I love about “great conversation” is that we can all away with something different. All good and thought provoking, just different.

I really do appreciate Robbie’s convo style… he started out one way and flipped it, knowing that there are all different kinds of people that come from different backgrounds/walks of life. Our conversation really stirred up a desire in me to know God in a deeper way and be able to give Him my life in complete trust. To view Him more as a loving, caring, yet mighty ‘Father.’ Viewing God as a Father is not easy for those without an earthly father. But if you know what a father should be – thinking of God in that way automatically makes Him seem safer, warmer and more loving – verses – a harsh judge/ruler waiting to strike me with lighting when I fail.

Everyone has their own issues that hold them back from pursuing what God has for them. So rather than running in fear from those issues, we need to deal with them. Grab the bull by the horns and kick the fear. Fears of failure, fears of insecurity and abandonment… whatever they are. Perfect love casts out all fear… there is no fear in God’s love, there is no fear in trust – only peace. Holding on to fear is not worth it. The plans God has for us are soooo GOOD. If we knew God more intimately, we might know that His intensions are that of a protective, strong – yet loving and perfect Father…..

Oh to know Him…… Seek and you will find, Knock and the door will be opened unto you.

Even just that phrase makes me sad… lol. Anytime I’m in situations that force me to take a long serious look at myself I get really sad, because I know its going to require change. Change is difficult I don’t care who you are.

“All of us have moments in our childhood where we come alive for the first time. And we go back to those moments and think, This is when I became myself.”  — Rita Dove

I actually don’t like people who blame their bad habits and rudeness on their childhood… BUT I came across this quote and starting thinking about it. You can look at it in a very positive way, but I flipped it and looked at it in the negative as well. I starting thinking about why in the world I do the things I do and when were those habits formed…  Well, thru this I’m convinced that we are all the product of our childhood.

So as I’m sitting this week in self-reflection mode,  one bad character trait of mine became very clear – I’M A CONTROL FREAK!!!

I’m sure a lot of people can relate; For me there were many different things that happened while I was growing up that were completely out of my control. Some that I may never share with anyone and some that are very common with the average family, such as divorce. When you are growing up and things happen beyond your control, you tend to become an adult who has to control everything.  For me a lot of my control issues have to do with friendships and my overwhelming need to “FIX IT”… I want everyone to be happy and get along, so my solution to that is to find out the problem, fix it and move on. HOWEVER, it only drags me into other people’s problems and issues and ultimately there is no quick fix for the problem. The End Result: Me in the middle of someone else’s pile of poo… with no peace, no harmony – only regret.

So…. like always, there HAS to be a solution. The only logical place for me to seek a solution is the Word of God. God wants me to TRUST Him completely with everything… herein lies the problem. Trusting God completely in every area of my life means me letting go of the need to control my life, my friends, my family, etc…. There is no fear in trust/God’s love, God is big enough to fix others – that’s not my job. God is big enough to help people live in peace and harmony – that’s not my job. MY JOB is to live each day in obedience to Christ, walk in love (the best I can), and strive to live a life worthy of the calling….. I am not perfect, never will be, but I can do my best to live for God and try to let go…

Letting go and letting God – it’s Heart Healthy give it a whirl.  I am thankful that God does not give up on us, even when we are idiots and don’t know what to do with ourselves… lol… BOUNDRIES/LOVE = keys to freedom.  ;)

So today was the big day for Beachside… I didn’t get to go last year, so it was my first Celebration Sunday experience. I was not disappointed, to say the least.

During worship team prayer, Drew had mentioned to us that he had all these expectations for the morning, but decided it would be best for him and for all of us to just chuck them out the window and see what happenend. The point being that when we approach events with really high personal expectations we are often let down because God decides to move in a different “unexpected” way. So as a team we went out there with one expectation… to see God move. And He did.

I loved it all from start to finish. We heard story after story of God delivering people from drugs, alcohol, and pain. Robbie’s message on the prodigal son/father was good stuff and really ministered to me after hearing those stories. I literally had tears in my eyes before it was over… God’s mercy stops me in my tracks man.

There is definitly something about getting a big group of hungry people in one room to just cut loose and worship. God has been so faithful to each of us, in ways we don’t even notice sometimes. He is an awesome God. Today truly filled my heart with gratitude for all He has done…

Once again I have been slacking in my blogging….. I really need to just get in the habit of doing it. End of story. right? Okay Carla, this one’s for you   (Carla is the blog queen, so she nudged me to come back!) lol…

I have recently found myself in a “out of sorts/scatterbrained” state. I really don’t like it… So, a couple nights ago I began reading, “Renewed in His Presence” by Lynne Hammond. So far, I really like it! I have also started listening to, “Getting personal with God” by Joyce Meyer in my car on the way to work.

I know that anytime I start to feel the way I do right now, its because I am not spending enough time in the presence of my Father. I just start to complain about everything and become focused on poor pitiful me, my problems and how there is clearly no way out of it! hahaha.. FALSE – there is a way! Spend time with God and allow Him to work in me and change me.

My thought for the day from Joyce Meyer is: (it might sound simple, but hey I’m simple minded   )

“The more time you spend with God, the more LIKE HIM you become..”

The funny thing is, I was waiting for her to say, Its kind of like getting to know an earthly friend, the more time you spend with them the better you get to know them. BUT she said the more time you spend, the more LIKE them you become…. Why did I never relate the two??? I can spend a week with a crazy, outgoing carefree friend and her zest for life will totally rub off on me – everything from her attitude to her slang convo. Why did I never stop to consider how my time spent with God would change my character into what HE wants it to be. Rather, I try to become like Christ by simply working at the church and putting my hand to things I think/know He will approve of, etc…. Our Salvation is not by works!   Until next time…